He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
