Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
