Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
