Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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