I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
