Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
