Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
