Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
