Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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