I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
