chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
