just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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