I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
