Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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