She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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