just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
