you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Are we still banned from the library?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
