I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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