i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize