I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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