As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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