I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
