One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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