I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
