google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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