Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Say something about gay babies.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
