my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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