She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
