I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
