I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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