margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this just has baby written all over it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
