Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
