i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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