There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
