Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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