i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
