do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
