I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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