I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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