He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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