he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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