i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
