He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
