Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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