you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
