I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
