that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
