He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
