I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Edward fifth and chaser hands
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
