We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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