when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
