I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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