I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
