"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
