I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
