This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
In America we eat man semen.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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