my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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