Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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