I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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