mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
