i already hear my dad disowning me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
