he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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