Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
