Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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