:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
